Let’s be honest: I’d much rather be at my department’s writing retreat today (with free lunch, to boot!) and that my kid be going to (definitely not free) summer camp. All that said, I’m deeply grateful that a professor’s schedule is flexible enough that I can respond to a sick kid pretty easily.

Working on kiddo’s spice tolerance: “My mouth is like an oven, but in a calming way.”

Dear “Dad of the Year” jury, I submit to accompany my application these words that I pronounced after my kid asked to play in the backyard after having a whole park day at school: “Haven’t you played outside enough today? Let’s stay inside and play Switch instead.”

Spouse made the mistake of asking some innocent questions about Animorphs last night, and now kiddo is asking me whether worksheets or quizzes would be more pedagogically effective for the Animorphs Academy classes she’s planning for the weekend.

For someone who is actively apathetic about professional and collegiate sports, I can get dangerously close to being that dad at kiddo’s soccer games.